6teenfandomcom-20200215-history
Wrestlemania/Script
Jen: at a clipboard "Why are there so many croquet balls?" Coach Halder: "Masterson!" Jen: shocked "YAHP!" Coach Halder: "Did you alphabetize all the employee timecards?" Jen: "Yes." Coach Halder: "Buff the bats? Shine the shinguards? Polish the pucks?" Jen: "Yes, yes, yes!" Coach Halder: "Good work, Masterson." walks away, and Jen returns to her clipboard. Jen: "Does anyone even play croquet anymore?" Coach Halder: "Masterson!" Jen: "AAAAHH! What?" Coach Halder: his whistle "No shouting, Masterson. This is a place of business. You better learn to control your emotions if you're going to be my new right hand! I can't have you jumping out of your shoes! I need you firmly in them! Do. We. Understand each other? New Assistant Coach? Huh? Hmm?" laughs. Jen: amazed "You're promoting me to Assistant Coach? Yes, sir!" him "And thank you, sir!" Coach Halder: shocked "Wubwhawubawhub." blows his whistle, and Jen releases him. "Management does not hug. It's a rule. Right after no shouting." Jen: "It won't happen again." Coach Halder: "This is your big chance, Masterson. Don't blow it!" Halder gives Jen a whistle. Jen takes it and blows into it lightly. Coach Halder: "You're not going to make employees soil themselves like that. From the diaphragm." ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Wrestlemania' ---- ''friends are sitting around the table. Jen is polishing her brand new whistle. Jude: "Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho. Shiny. Let me hear your pipes." blows into it lightly. "Pretty feeble, bra." Jen: "That's assistant coach to you!" once again blows into it lightly. Caitlin: "Assistant coach? You totally deserve that promotion!" Wyatt: "Congrats, Jen." Jude: "Awesome." Jen: "It was a long time coming, but I am so ready for this!" Jonesy: "Don't be too sure." Jen: annoyed "Thanks." Jonesy: "If anyone knows the pitfalls of being too cocky, it's the Jonesmiester. Being assistant manager is a lot of responsibility." Wyatt: "Okay, whoa. Who are you, and what have you done with Jonesy?" Jen: up "I am not taking advice from the most-fired person in mall history." leaves. Jonesy: after her "Suit yourself, but don't come crying to me when it all backfires!" normally "Has anyone seen Nikki?" Wyatt: "Haven't seen her all morning." Jude: "Me neither, bro." Jonesy: "It isn't like her to be at work when she's supposed to be working." ---- is sleeping on the job. The three clones are gathered near her. Kirsten: "I think she's dead." Kristen: "Maybe she's just sleeping?" Kirsten: "Well wake her up." lowers a clotheshanger towards Nikki's head. Nikki: "Touch me, and die." Kristen and Kirsten: onto each other "AAAH!" raises her head. Her hair is bedraggled, her eyes are bloodshot, and there is a zit on her forehead. Kristen: "Ew! You look awful, even worse than usual!" Nikki: the clotheshanger "I've been cramming all week for my calculus exam." the hanger up threateningly "And if you three don't back off, I'll do some more cramming!" Chrissy: "How can you be so angry when it's inventory day?" Nikki: "Inventory?" broken "No..." Kirsten: "It's the best day of the year!" The Clones: "EEEEEE!" Nikki: leaving the store "I need a coffee. Or, a blood transfusion. Or, a lobotomy." Kirsten: "Let's practice counting things." Kristen: "I call the baby tees!" Chrissy: "Whee!" ---- is nursing a coffee when her phone rings. Nikki: up "What." Caitlin: "Everyone wants to know where you are. Do you look as crappy as you sound?" Nikki: "I have more important things to worry about than how I look. I just have to get through this exam and then I can sleep for a week." gasps. "Oh no." Caitlin: "What? Did your zit burst?" Nikki: "Worse. Stone is coming this way." gasps. "Oh, I can't believe my putrid luck!" Caitlin: "Your ex-boyfriend Stone?!? The only thing you can do at a time like this is hide." hangs up. Stone: "Hey Nikki, is that you?" looks up. "Whoa! You look so...uh, different." Nikki: "Oh. Hey, Stone." to smooth her hair "What a surprise." Stone: "This is my girlfriend, Mimi." Mimi: some change in Nikki's coffee "Here. Buy yourself some lunch." Stone: "Mimi, this is Nikki. My ex-girlfriend?" Nikki: snappish "I've gotta get back to work." leaves. Stone: to Mimi "Wow, has she ever changed." groans as she heads back to work. ---- Jen: at a clipboard "Why do we have so many cricket bats?" Coach Halder: "Masterson!" looks up. "Good work, Masterson. You stayed in your shoes that time. You're ready to place your first order!" Jen: "Bring it on, Coach!" Coach Halder: "Alright. The sales rep is right over there. Go get him. Eye of the tiger!" Halder pushes Jen over towards the salesman. Jen skids to a stop behind him. Jen: "Hi. I'm Jen." sales representative turns around. He is really good-looking. Jen gasps. Salesman: "Well, aren't you the prettiest assistant coach I've ever seen." Jen: "Right back at y–I mean, you're the hottest–I mean, nice to meet you." Salesman: "What do you say I show you some of our new merch?" Jen: "Just you and me?" Salesman: "We just got this fantastic line in from the States..." imagines skiing down a slope with the sales rep. In her dream, they kiss. Salesman: out a clipboard and pen "I'd recommend taking at least this many units. Sigh here." Jen: dreamily "That sounds nice." signing "Sign here." Salesman: "I'll place this order right away." tears off the sales slip and leaves the store. Jen: dreamily "A boy with eyes that blue has to know what's best." looks down at the slip and gapes. "I just ordered a thousand units of wrestling equipment?!?!?" Coach Halder: offscreen "Masterson!" Jen: "Oh no. I am so dead." ---- and her boss walk through the Penalty Box. Coach Halder: "Well with you as my assistant coach, Masterson, I can finally take a lunch. AAH! What! Is! That?!?" display of the brand new wrestling gear has been set up in the store. Jen: ignorance "Hmm. I wonder where that came from." Halder looks at her quizzically. "I'm sorry! I ordered a thousand units of wrestling equipment!" Coach Halder: "Why? There's no market for this! What are you? A second-stringer?" Jen: "The rep said it was very popular on TV and would sell like hotcakes." Coach Halder: "Oh, reps will say anything! You're not supposed to listen. I oughta bench you for life." Jen: pulling out a scrap of paper "Here's my letter of resignation." Coach Halder: "You can't quit now! You're gonna stay right here until every single piece of wrestling equipment is sold! Do I make myself clear?" Jen: "Crystal." Coach Halder: "Then I'll decide what to do with you." Halder walks away, leaving Jen to contemplate ways to sell the equipment. ---- walks into the Khaki Barn and walks over to the changing rooms. She knocks on the farthest door. Caitlin: "I know you're in your secret change room, so you can stop pretending." knocks again. Nikki: "Go. Away." Caitlin: "I know what happened with Stone." Nikki: "How is that? It just happened." Caitlin: "It doesn't take long for things to get around the mall." groans before opening the door, quickly dragging Caitlin inside, and shutting the door again. Caitlin: "You can't let Stone win. You don't want him thinking you're some total greasy-haired zitty outcast, do you?" Nikki: sarcastic "Thanks." Caitlin: "You need to get out there and show Stone you're the goddess he can't have!" Nikki: "Stone already saw me looking like crap. Besides, I don't care what he thinks." Caitlin: "Obviously you do, or you wouldn't be hiding in here." Nikki: "Well...maybe I just need a little privacy." Caitlin: "By the time I'm finished with you, Stone will be begging you to take him back!" Nikki: "But I don't want him back, I'm with Jonesy." Caitlin: "You just want the option of having Stone back so you reject him, therefore making the dumper the dumpee." Nikki: "I have no idea what you just said." Caitlin: "Perfect! Now let's get started." ---- weakly blows on her whistle. She has set up a rack of wrestling equipment outside the Penalty Box. Jen: "Get your wrestling gear here!" Stuart Goldstein "It will fit anyone. Not that you're just anyone. Or fat. Oops!" another customer "Chartreuse is definitely your color." some old people "The tights provide great support, and the boots will cut your mall-walking time in half!" of these pitches make any sales. Jen turns around and sees a waiting Ron. Ron: "You're contravening bylaw eighteen. No flogging merchandise in a fire corridor. Vacate the premises immediately, little lady!" Jen: desperate "Maybe you'd like a pair?" Ron: "If the Vietcong couldn't get me into a pair of those in a tiger cage, do you really think you can?" walks away from Jen. ---- is putting makeup on Nikki by the Big Squeeze. Nikki's phone rings. Nikki: the phone to Caitlin "I don't want to talk to anyone!" Caitlin: "Good, because you'll crack." answering "Hello?" Jen: "Caitlin? Where's Nikki? I need to talk to her right away." Caitlin: a hair dryer on Nikki "She can't talk right now." Jen: "Ooh, is she upset about Stone? I heard what happened." Caitlin: "Her heinous zit required so much concealer she can't speak till it's dry. I'll put you on speaker." Jen: "Hey Nikki, are you feeling better?" Nikki: "Nn nn!" gestures to the males of the group, who are walking towards them. Caitlin: "Get down and don't move!" ducks under the table. "Jonesy's gonna wonder what we're up to." Jen: "I ordered way too much wrestling equipment, and I'm gonna get fired if I don't sell it! What am I gonna do? I'm up to my ears in tights and boots!" Caitlin: "Let us–I mean, me–get back to you." hangs up. As soon as Jen can't hear, Jonesy bursts into laughter. Jonesy: gleeful "Jen? Is getting fired? I have to go welcome her to my world." Jude: "Maybe we should see if we can help her out, dude." Wyatt: "We could bring her a coffee or something." Jonesy: "Or we could just go over and laugh at her." Jude: "That works too." guys leave. As soon as they're gone, Nikki hauls herself up. Nikki: "Ugh! What a bunch of–" Caitlin: "Ssh. No talking! Your zit cover will break! Operation: Show Stone How Amazing Your Life Is Post-Dumpage has officially commenced!" up a laptop "Now, to draw up a schedule of ambushes." ---- is unhappily sitting by the wrestling display when her male friends walk in. Jen: "I'm toast." Jonesy: "Toast? That's a lame name for a wrestler." Jen: "What are you guys doing here?" Jonesy: "Are you kidding? I'm a major fan of the square circle!" Wyatt: "I've been a wrestling fan since I was in diapers!" Jude: "I thought we came here to help Jen." Jonesy: "Care to put your jockstrap where your mouth is, punk?" Jude: "That's some nasty imagery, bro." a wrestling uniform "If I get to wear this, I'm up for any challenge!" Wyatt: an idea "Hey! You guys should put on a wrestling exhibition and wear the outfits!" Jonesy: "Yeah! And once people see me in the ring, this gear will sell out in no time!" Jen: "Thanks, guys." ---- enough, Jude and Jonesy are decked out in wrestling gear and have gotten into the ring. Jonesy: "You have challenged The Stud. Fear his wrath!" Jude: "Mellow Man does not know the meaning of the word fear. Wrath is pretty sketchy too." blows a whistle. Wyatt: "And...wrestle!" wrestlers approach each other. They stick out their hands, link them, and...thumb wrestle? Jonesy and Jude seem to be pretty evenly matched here, at least until Jonesy tries to use two thumbs. Jude: "You're cheating!" uses his other arm to hold off Jonesy. Jonesy: "No I'm–hey–stop–ow ow–" blows his whistle. Wyatt: "Not that kind of wrestling!" Coach Halder: "Masterson and idiotic friends! Out of the ring!" and Wyatt back out of the ring quietly, but Jonesy stands his ground. Jonesy: "The Stud answers to no man." Coach Halder: "You are about to enter a world of pain, son." Jonesy: "Enter the Thunderdome, Tweety." Halder grits his teeth and climbs on top of one of the posts. Coach Halder: "This is called the Spirit Crusher. It's outlawed by the Geneva Convention." gulps as Coach Halder launches himself into the air. Jonesy and Coach Halder: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" bodies connect. Jonesy is pinned under Halder, who has him in a choke hold. Jonesy: pointing "Look–it's–number 99." Coach Halder: distracted "Where? Where?" slips out of the hold and pins Coach Halder. Coach Halder: strained "I–submit to–The Stud." looks up and sees a small crowd. Crowd: "Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud!" Wyatt: "Woohoo!" Crowd: "Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud!" Coach Halder: "The Stud wins!" looks over to Jen, who has sold a costume to Wayne. "And he can stay, as long as the merchandise continues to–nice work." Jonesy: "Only if I get a piece of the action." Coach Halder: "All right." Jonesy: "The Stud will take on all challengers!" ---- and Caitlin notice Jonesy wrestling with Yummy Mummy on the mall's jumboscreen. Nikki: "Uh, what's going on? What is Yummy Mummy doing to Jonesy? And why is he in tights? I need to check this out." Caitlin: her "Wait, Nikki. You've got enough to worry about with Stone. I'll go check it out and get back to you." sighs. ---- Mummy looks like she just might win when Jonesy turns the tables by flipping her. Crowd: "Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud!" Jude: an announcer "Yummy Mummy's down for the count!" Wyatt: co-commentator "The Stud's reign has been impressive." amazed "Another competitor already? Will they ever learn?" competitor is Julie the taco girl. She isn't wearing a costume, though. Julie: "With your sudden sensationalism, Wonder Taco wants to sponsor you." slaps a sticker on Jonesy's uniform. Jonesy: "Sweet! The Stud will now field offers from any and all sponsors! I've got tons of free body space! I'll even tattoo for the right price!" the Rent-a-Cop walks into the store. Ron: "Hmm. Something stinks." Jonesy: "The Stud isn't afraid of you." Wyatt: "The rivalry between The Stud and Ron the Rent-a-Cop goes way back. To at least last year." Jude: "My money's on The Stud." Ron: the ring "You're going down for the three-count, Stud. Mark my–whoa!" pulls Ron over and begins playing with him. Wyatt: "Oh, what a hold!" Ron: "Oh, my god! Oh!" uses his legs to send Ron flying. "WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" lands outside the store, defeated. Wyatt: "Ron hits the ground hard! The Stud remains undefeated!" Jude: "Woohoo! And, he's winning, too!" Ron: his breath "You'll pay for this, Stud." ---- squirts some cream on her hands and rubs it on Jonesy. Caitlin: "Jen filled me in on your sitch. I don't have much time." massages it in. Jonesy: "This goop feels awesome!" Caitlin: "It's my secret weapon. You're gonna be untouchable. You'll see!" break ends, and Jonesy stands up. The lights go off, replaced with special ones over the ring. Jonesy: "Wow. Coach is going all out. Alright! Who wants a smackdown from The Stud?!?" Crowd: "Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud!" leaves the store. A heavyset man steps into the ring. Wayne: "HHHWWWAAAAAAAAAA! You! Are so! Going! Down!" pulls his belly up only for it to slip down. Wyatt: disgusted "Oh, that's just wrong!" Wayne: "YAAAAAA–" hugs Jonesy and just slides off. Jonesy dives towards him, leading with his elbow. "Hurk." Wyatt: "Ooh!" Jude: "Talk about crushing the kiwis!" ---- is sitting by the fountain. Caitlin runs up to her. Nikki: "So what's going on with Jonesy?" Caitlin: panting "He's helping Jen out. I'll get back to him later. Right now, I am here for you. So let's begin with Step One: Stepping On Stone. We'll start with your posture." Nikki: "What's wrong with my posture?" Caitlin: "A person's stance communicates how they feel about themselves. Slouching tells me that you're down and depressed." Nikki: sarcastic "Wow, you sure are good at reading people." Caitlin: "I know. Now, we want Stone to think you're sexy and seductive." looks at her quizzically. "C'mon, it'll be fun!" adjusts Nikki's stance. "Pretend you're Liza Lomen, about to meet her taco tycoon. You're sexy. Seductive." attempts this. "More pout." pouts harder. "Ug–less pout." adjusts. "Now you just look silly." Nikki: her pout "Really? You don't say." Caitlin: "Stone'll be along in a sec. Now go get that guy!" runs and hides behind a potted tree so she can watch. Nikki waits for Stone. Suddenly Stanley comes along, riding on a skateboard, and runs into Nikki, pushing her into the mall fountain. Nikki: "Whoa!" falls into the fountain. She sits up and pushes her wet hair away from her face just as Stone comes by. Stone: "Nikki?" Nikki: "Hey, Stone." slaps her forehead at this unforeseen turn of events. ---- and Wayne are wrestling. Wayne: "Of course I take bets! What's it gonna be?" Young Boy: "Five bucks on Wayne." Jonesy: "Please. I'm smoking his butt!" Wayne: the money "Sorry, no refunds." Jonesy "You may continue." continues beating up on Wayne. ---- Caitlin: "Oh, you look so pretty!" Nikki: "I don't believe this. Caitlin?!? A dress?!?" and Nikki are standing at the top of the escalators. Nikki is wearing a purple dress. Caitlin: "You left me no choice. If you can't say sexy with your bod, you'll have to say it another way." steps onto the escalator up. Caitlin notices. Caitlin: "Stone's coming! Just let the dress do the talking. I've gotta go!" runs away. Nikki shuffles forward. Nikki: "Stone." escalator catches the hem of her dress. "Waagh! Oh!" dress tears off, leaving her standing there in only her bra and panties. Stone: "Uh–hi, Nikki." moves on. ---- is readily defeating opponents. Stanley comes at him, and Jonesy catches the boy and rocks him to sleep. Jude: "Oh, the sleeper hold! Kid is out like a light!" Wyatt: "Well, there you have it. The Stud's given them all the slip." crowd cheers. Business is booming for Coach Halder and company. Jen: an old lady "That'll be a hundred and sixty dollars, please." sets down a stool, and Jonesy sits on it. Blue Dress Girl: impressed "Hey! It's The Stud!" Jonesy: "I could definitely get used to this. Screaming fans, hot chicks...hey, where's Nikki? I haven't seen her all day." Caitlin: "Nikki's trying to prove to Stone that she's still got it going on." Jonesy: up, aggravated "Got what going on? Why would she care what Stone thinks? She's with The Stud now!" Caitlin: "True, but Stone saw her with greasy hair and a monster zit. So she has to prove that she's still hot. And that she's moved on." Jonesy: "But she has moved on!" Caitlin: "Stone doesn't know that." Jonesy: "He would if she were here with me. Instead of chasing after him." Caitlin: "Oh, you just don't get guys." Jonesy: "No, I don't get girls." Caitlin: a text "That's Nikki. Round two for me." leaves. ---- and Nikki are inside the movie theater. Nikki has a bag of popcorn. Caitlin: "Since the dress didn't work, we'll have to hit Stone where he lives. In his gut. The way to a guy's heart is through his stomach. What's his favorite treat?" Nikki: "Uh, extra buttered popcorn." Caitlin: "Offer to buy him some. Then, chat him up. That should be enough time for him to see how great you look." spots Stone walking their way and ducks behind a potted plant. Nikki: softly "Caitlin, I can't do this, it's too ridiculous!" comes up to her. "Hey, Stone. Uh, can I get you some extra buttered popcorn?" Caitlin: whispering "Be sexy!" gingerly plucks a piece of popcorn from her bag and slowly eats it. Stone looks at her oddly. Things get worse when the piece comes loose and falls into her shirt. While Nikki digs for it, Stone quietly backs away. ---- Stud has defeated everyone who has stepped into the ring. Crowd: "Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud! Stud!" Coach Halder: "Who's gonna be The Stud's next challenger?" steps forward. "Who's it gonna be?" abounds. "Anyone?" Jonesy: "Well, looks like I'm the champ." Coach Halder: "Not until we move all this gear, you're not!" spots someone muscular. This someone's body is completely covered by a purple-and-green suit. "Oh my." Jonesy: "I can't fight him! He's ripped!" Coach Halder: "Just rip his head off." Jonesy: "What?" Coach Halder: "Ehm, nevermind." Halder shoves Jonesy at the newest contestant, who leaps upon Jonesy and starts to tear him apart. ---- is riding through the mall on his golf cart when he sees Jonesy being defeated on the mall's jumboscreen. What really draws his attention, however, is the money changing hands in the background. Jonesy: "Mercy!" Ron: "Ah-ha! Illegal gambling." Jonesy: "I give up!" Ron: "I've got you now." Jonesy: pained "I give up!" ---- Halder raises the arm of the winning contestant. Coach Halder: "We have a new champion!" new champion removes his mask, revealing his face. The identity of the champ is a surprise to all. Jonesy: "Darth?!? No fair! You cheated!" Darth: "What? You've been cheating the whole time!" Jonesy: "Have not!" Coach Halder: "What's this painfully unathletic guy talking about, anyway?" Darth: "Caitlin's been covering Jonesy in slippery gel!" crowd gasps. Jonesy: "What? That stuff's just for sore muscles. Caitlin?" Caitlin: guilty "It's called Creep-Off. Creeps slide right off." Wyatt: "Uh-oh." Halder looks at Jonesy angrily. Serena and Julie march into the ring and take Jonesy's sponsorships away. Jonesy: "Hey, give those back!" comes in to remove Jonesy's arm sticker. "Hey, wait! Can't we talk about this? AAAAAAHHHH!!!" drives into the store. Ron: "I'm shutting the place down for illegal gambling!" Coach Halder: "That's ridiculous!" Jonesy "Hey, stupid, are you involved in this?" Jonesy: "No way. I'll take a cut, though." Coach Halder: "You're fired!" hangs his head in shame. ---- six friends are gathered at the wrestling ring. Caitlin: "Did you manage to move all the wrestling gear?" Jen: "No. There's still a hundred pairs of man-tights left! And the ring! I guess I better start looking for a new job." sighs. The rest of the friends look at each other unhappily. Suddenly, Coach Halder blows his whistle. Jen: "AAAAAAHHH!" leaps up. Coach Halder: "We may not have gotten rid of all the wrestling gear, but the number of customers in the store resulted in record sales! Plus, The Stud here waived part of his profits to make the books balance." Stud's friends gaps. "So you can keep your job, Masterson!" Jen: "Thank you, Coach!" blows into the whistle heavily. Coach Halder snatches the whistle away. Coach Halder: "That's your old job. No assistant coach." Jen: "I won't let you down again, sir!" to Jonesy "You gave up your profits for me?" Jonesy: "Whatever. Didn't need the extra coin." Jen: "Thanks, Jonesy." Nikki: "Wow. I guess I missed a lot today." puts his arm around her. Jonesy: "Yeah! Like all my wrestling moves? You've got some making up to do." Nikki: "Aw, Jonesy." to hug him "I'm sorEEEH!" slides down Jonesy's still greased-up body. Jonesy chuckles. Nikki: "Ah! Ew!" Jonesy: "You're forgiven. No need to kiss my feet." this moment, Stone and Mimi pass the store. Mimi gasps. Stone: "Poor girl. Never was the same after I dumped her." the store, Nikki groans. Category:Season 3